i printed the screen of my horrible grade and made it my desktop background last night.
i woke up to a horrible sinking feeling, and also, i guess the lousy-grade-as-background thing is working too well. im feel even more depressed when i look at it. but i guess, depressed better than being complacent.
the grade's only 5% but every single freaking grade i've gotten has been shitty. and i know i deserve it, i guess? cause i didnt exactly study all that hard. but then again, i feel like its more than just myself that's at fault. the conditions that im in are not favourable!!! at the start of uni, i had alot of tuitions to give and my timetable sucks. most of my day is spent in school and i dont stay in hall. plus other commitments. but yeah, i only have myself to blame cause situations shouldnt dictate how i spend my time. but the fact is i have poor time management skills. so its even harder for me to manage my time wisely when i barely have enough of it!!!
and i feel like such a mean friend cause i feel so sucky that i didnt even ask my friends how they did for midterms. either way, i really hope they did well or at least better than me. one person being stupid is better than more being stupid right? okay, maybe not stupid. at least i hope im not stupid! just like, really lazy and dont know how t prioritise and.. stupid.
argh, okay i just needed to rant. time to go and try and be productive.
i feel really damn :( now. on a funnier note, i think i have just lag time. cause it apparently takes some time for the bad grade to set in and for me t feel sad about it. haha. okay that's not really funny.
maybe i should really change my desktop background. i feel too sad to study! wth!
two lab reports due on monday, french test and oral next week, chem assignment on monday. and exams coming up that im so not prepared for. i wanna stay home and mope, but that would be even more stupid of me. OKAY i should stop here and try to channel depression into productive energy.
Labels: negative negative negative
STEF typed this at 9:44 AM
stef wong is really very tired and kinda demoralised.
i think its gonna take some time to build up my confidence again.
and i know that i need to do so to tackle studying and my exams efficiently.
im scared of doing badly for exams but im scared that im not scared enough of it to have enough discipline and stamina to study hard to do well. tu comprends?
night.
Labels: negative negative negative
STEF typed this at 9:49 PM
okay i just typed a whole chunk on why i got miffed at my lab partner but i concluded that it was just me being bitchy or mean so i deleted everything. but i still kinda wish that i could partner someone else.. :( i feel so mean! but she really makes me feel ______ & _________.
im really dreading future labs where i dont know anyone. sigh i think im too dependent on my friends.
Labels: flying trains, negative negative negative
STEF typed this at 11:34 AM
GO STEF!
trying very hard to keep my spirits up.
sigh school has started and it hasnt been all that fun.
to me, i think one of the most important factors of school is to have good friends with you. yknow, like people you're comfortable with. but unfortunately, i hardly get to see/hang out with the people im comfortable with :( no matter how tough school gets, if you have good friends standing by you, it's all okay. by the way vi and i have no fate in french but hopefully balloting goes well and we can at least be in the same tutorial group.
i really really want t enjoy my last few years of school but right now, i really wonder if i can really do that :( my goodness i sound so desperate and lonely HAHAHA.
damn sian. im far more sian about certain things that i cant say here, so yes.
i'll just end of with a very big sigh
SIGH.
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
Labels: negative negative negative
STEF typed this at 10:09 AM
Labels: negative negative negative
STEF typed this at 10:56 PM
me oh my oh Labels: negative negative negative
howdy!
i am currently trying to sort out and organise all the things that i gotta do and prepare myself for tml. school is starting and i really dont know what to expect. im just really scared cause i feel kinda alone somehow :(
anyway, im REALLY dreading going t the IT coop again cause im afraid they'll recognise me and take my being there AGAIN as a sure sign that i keep causing problems with my laptop when im not doing anything wrong..!!! :( man, i seriously just wish that my laptop would stop having glitches or whatever and even if there's a problem, why does the problem not appear when im at the IT coop but when im at home?!?! ARGH seriously.
oh and after my lessons i hafta give tuitions. many many tuitions. i keep thinking that my family's damn poor and im trying very hard to not take allowance from them aside from concession fee. i seriously hope i can juggle tuitions and school.
and im kind of anticipating yet not waiting for my phone t ring. ha ha. i think im just really stressed and i need a hug :(
GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HELPPITY? :(
STEF typed this at 10:21 PM
i nearly forgot some FACTS that is my reality, and nearly got carried away with some stupid small event that made me happy.
but well, as soon as i allowed myself to be just that tad bit happy, i saw some stuffs which reminded me AGAIN why im so naive and keep forgetting.
forever is for losers. i refuse to hope.
Labels: negative negative negative
STEF typed this at 11:24 PM
the silence is deafening
Labels: negative negative negative
STEF typed this at 9:06 PM
oh lookie, long overdued photos from my handphone. haha.
nathan siam-ing from michelle's camera light! haha.
they're so nice t each other luh, they really share the ice cream with no complains. haha i dont rmb myself being so generous when i was young..
okay they LOVED aeiou alot. haha all thanks t sandy.
my cg member! haha!
hopekiddies so cute righto!
guess what else is cute?
my hamham!
cooper, the fatter one, is damn funny.
i flip her over and she struggles t flip back. but if i quickly give her food, she'll happily eat it lying on her back! hahaha okay, the picture quality doesnt do much justice to her awesome cuteness.
cooper eating.
anyway, something SUPER HAPPENING happened to me recently!
or rather, i had t do smth that i NEVER EVER even imagined myself doing.
omg my colleagues asked me to chop seats at the hawker centre using tissues. HAHA and it was like some trend there. i couldnt stop laughing and my colleagues got amused at me.
so anyway, when i was sitting there while they queued, i looked around t see who else used tissues!! HAHA got alot ok!
and smth cracked me up damn hard.
look! the blue object being used t chop the seat is actually DENTAL FLOSS.
omg what the HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
then i got damn high thinking about what else i should bring t chop seats next time. like, toothbrush, spectacles case, toilet paper, listerine, pad, peanut?! hahahahahaha. damn funny.
anyway i met brother peck earlier! had tuition in his vicinity and thought we could meet up for lunch. omg, i am seriously glad that i dont have t go for ns. some stories he told me damn funny though.
arcade-d after that. haha! it was fun.
thanks brother, i am cheered (:
i've started work anyway! quite.. stressful.. cause there's so many things t remember! damn alot of different procedures and papers are everywhere! i only had one papercut so far, but it was damn deep and the way the slit happened was slow and felt really sick. it made me quite scared t do the sorting after that :/
okieeeeeeeee im going t play bejeweled blitz and hao lian t ben ho after that HAHAHA.
i dont want your pity or sympathy.just go and focus on your happy and smoothsailing life and wait for the girl of your dreams ok
Labels: hairclips, negative negative negative, summer sunshine
STEF typed this at 2:56 PM
oh no, i have 2 mozzie bites on my blueblack(or orhche). this is my worst nightmare. i want t rub my blueblack but i cant!! cause then i'll be feeding the itch and the bite will take longer t go away :( not t mention get more itchy.
oh and i decided t edit my layout just abit! so see, its easier t read, isnt it?
okay i decided t upload some photos! okay, im not sure if i've uploaded them before or what. heh.
the caregroup girls!
look! there's a freaky kaypo man in the background!! :@
see! the man is there again!!
outing with the ex crescent galxzxz.
oh no, the way i stand is disgusting.
random. haha! and matthais' face is behind!
ws' birthday.
yl as the jukebox!
ohoh! and this is the bbq that my family had at my cousins' place.
its was simple but delicious! haha. had it in the corridor at the back stair well. it was fun! and i ate as much salmon as i could.
omg everytime there's a bbq i will never forget the ABSOLUTELY delicious salmon+steak which was served at some rich kids house who uhh, was the friend of my friend's friend. hahaha. okay im making myself sound like a free loader :/
Labels: negative negative negative, sugar cubes
STEF typed this at 8:50 AM
there's nothing left for me to do, just to cry and learn t accept the way that things are.
i really feel like a loser, in so many ways.
the truth of the matter, is that i was stupid.
i can't move on and now im left behind.
i'll never be so stupid ever again. lsbs forever.
i seriously feel that im wasting my life and my health away.
and all because i was so stupid.
watch out man, im a raw nerve now.
i really might box anyone who provokes me, even if they're a million times stronger and bigger.
Labels: negative negative negative
STEF typed this at 8:34 PM