The Simplest of These
i know what he meant and i thoroughly understand his perspective. i know where he's coming from and his intentions. but just because i dont agree does NOT, in any way, mean that i do not understand or that i am naive and immature.
why do people link innocence with naivity? innocence is a choice and not a lack of experience or a shortage of knowledge. if you think innocence is synonymous with youth and naivity, then YOU are the ignorant one. just because you have been through more experiences does not, in any way, mean that your mindset is right even if it seems completely justifiable to you. if that is the case, then all the old people in the world are mature and wise people.
there should not exist any negative connotations with innocence because innocence, is simple a choice. noone can corrupt your innocence and noone can take it away, only you yourself have that ability. its about what you choose to do and what you choose to think and what you choose to say and what you choose to be important to you.
of course, no one is completely innocent because everyone has done smth wrong befroe. big thoughts or small actions, a wrong thing is still a wrong thing.
the definition of wrong is something that i do not intend to discuss as of now. everything is technically subjective and it depends on you t find what the defining standard of things should be. well yeah, im not going t go into that discussion.
im not pissed because you dont share the same view as me(regarding a certain topic), but im extremely indignant because you wrote me off as incapable of mature thought and mock me that i am living in some fairytale world and waiting for my prince charming!!!
my main point for all this is, DONT WRITE SOMEONE OFF AS IGNORANT just because they disagree with you, or they may be kiddy in their antics or whatever. still waters dont always run deep, and sometimes the seemingly simplest and most "idealistic" beliefs are the most mature ones of all. vous comprenez?
Labels: flying trains
STEF typed this at 9:21 PM
Our Words That We'll Hang From
haha i suddenly dont know what i wanted to blog about -.-
in any case, its the end of 2009! really, the past few months have simply just whizzed by and yeah, its the last few days of my 19th year on planet earth.
im not really looking forward to my age beginning with the number 2 :(
some fears and hesitations about semester 2 as well. but yeah, im hoping to do this with God! my results from sem 1 were out and i guess i did so-so only? not much cause for celebration but then again i didnt do as bad as i thought i would so yeh, that pretty much levels it out!
i still havent thought of name for my Ibanez but she's finally re-strung and looking real awesome!!! hahaha my only wish is that my guitar skills would level up also.
it's close to paradise
with the end surely near
Labels: flying trains
STEF typed this at 9:29 PM
i think i have a virus on my com! nice. i think its cause i tried to dl RA3. sian. i should've just waited for someone to lend me their hard drive with dotA and RA3. damn. but im really damn excited to play it..!!!
anyway, im just feeling really restless now. like i wanna go back t sleep but im too lazy t blow dry my hair and i think i ate too much so i just wanna do smth but i dont know what :/
and i just kinda realised recently, that i would do nearly anything, to be there for the people who i love. i wish i could be a superhuman.
Labels: flying trains, hairclips
STEF typed this at 10:32 AM
saw this one day when i was heading to caregroup @ settler's cafe SMU.
i thought it was very nice. and unexpected. haha!
my parents are back! :D
wanted t wait for them before leaving for retreat but couldnt manage to :(
ah wells. seeing them now! haha and my mom is telling me stories about east timor. its.. complicated. haha the culture there is ultra different.
HKL retreat! hahaha.
it was enjoyable and i learnt alot, even though it was such a short period of time. i'll be taking the pri 5 caregroup next year, meaning that im moving up with my current cg ^^
i want t plan for my caregroup and build deeper r/s with my kids. i think that they can really BE so much more. i see alot of potential in them! yes, i wanna believe in my kids :D
i think God is telling me to think about what i really want t do with my life. i only have one life, and i can do so much with it. its time to really build my life on God and live a fufilling life! i've been WAAAAY to caught up with grades(but of course good grades are good lah! hahaha). there's so much more that i want t invest my life in and do. i want t invest my time/effort/resources in things that will last forever, even if they may not be tangible and not everyone understands.
but i believe that God is real, even though i fail to live it out in my life oh-so-many-times. and if God is real, then enough said! shouldnt the life you live be completely different?
---
anyway i finally bought a new swimming costume ^^
yippee! really feel like jumping into a pool now! heh.
and im excited for cycling! actually, im excited for any sports activity that will make me loose weight!!!! HAHAHAHA. borrowed ws' crumpler for the cycling thing ^^ don't worry, i'll take good card of it haha (:
oh and im actually damn tired. cause there was some ahbengs behind our chalet PARTYING AND SHOUTING AND BLASTING MUSIC AND SHOUTING AND THEN SHOUTING AND THEN SHOUTING VULGARITIES FROM 1AM TO 5AM.
NICE. i couldnt really sleep! and omg. damn scary cause huiwei slept through it all then i was like, huh how can she take it. so at 5ish when she happened t turn in bed, i was like, eh huiwei, you can sleep? wasnt there a lot of shouting?
then she was like, huh? nothing what. i slept quite well. you're dreaming lah.
omg. i was like, FREAKED?!?!?
haha but the next morning i asked soo feng if there was shouting and she was like, yeah, alot.
WHEW. i was so relieved please!!!!!!!! hahahaha.
okay, BUHBYE im going t sleep. i cant really process what im typing arld. hurhur. bye!
Labels: flying trains, sugar cubes, summer sunshine
STEF typed this at 1:44 PM
outing with ming yest and as usual she just cannot give a normal face for a photo! HAHA.
we're seriously like some couple who had such a turbulent past but still decided that we love each other and hence got together again and got married and then lived happily ever after. HAHAHAHAHA. so retarded but yeah (:
and we keep skyping! its so fun! but idiot. she took a snapshot of me being unglam and she refused to delete it!!!! >: (
and i bought some dress which im never gonna wear cause i look fat :( sigh. yet another item on my will-never-wear list. i keep wasting money!!!! ARGH
haha another recent photo. we were traumatising elyse. haha! mega funny.
anyway, exams are OVER OVER OVER! im happy about it but also not as happy as i should be! cause.. i just keep thinking that im gonna do badly. i really dont know why results are affecting me so much. i used to not care about it much!
ah wells. but i guess im really thankful to God for sending people into my life to cheer me up and help me to carry on!
kind of broke down last night but it was kinda good timing for billy to call. i guess i was a little ... at first. i realise im VERY snappish everytime im going t cry. i dont know why?! but yeah.
thanks, for still being patient to talk me through things and suggest some practical steps which really turned out good! haha. i went t email the person in charge and things are yknow, clearer this morning. like what you said, i can see a little furthur now (:
and after that, i had a nice chat with ben online. like, shared some struggles and stuff and it was really encouraging to know that im not alone in this struggle to come t terms with bad grades! haha so yeah, thanks ben! even though you prolly read this like, months later. haha! good t have you back in sg anyway!
AND also, im glad to have friends in uni as well! without them, i really dont think i could've gotten through this semester. seriously, they made school more fun and helped motivate me to attend lectures more(especially the 8am ones!!!!! :/ )
in any case, i decided to stay in chem, so i'm not going t applied chem. cause french completely clashes with applied chem, and also i dont think i did well enough t qualify anyway! haha. so lloyd and travis are gonna try for applied chem next sem while jerel and i stay in chem. i really hope we'll all still keep in contact though! i'll be really sad if we become mere acquaintances : (
okay i'll dedicate a post to them next time. HAHA.
anyway i used to be so.. scared and afraid that people will judge me cause of who i hang out with. but yknow what? it really doesnt matter. my motives are pure and so is my conscience! so yezzz, i'll like hanging out with my friends and that's that ^^ and im going t PWN THEM ALL UPSIDE DOWN AFTER I TRAIN MY ____ SKILLS. HAHAHA! jovan(self-proclaimed pro) is going t teach me and then.. haha! WATCH OUT.
OH OH i need t collect my specs! but its gonna rain and im lazy. haha. anyway im excited to cg later! heehee we're going t settler's! but i was hoping we'd go ice skating though :/
anyway lotsa things planned!!!!
cg later! then hopekids retreat!(but i kind of want t support alex at her stand chart marathon on sunday though :( ) then east coast cycling/rollerblading next week!(and gaming too ^^ yippee!) og outing coming up also! and then there's sweat camp! hahaha. VERY NICE ^^
anyway, (Y) job if you managed to read until here! hahaha extremely wordy post.
Labels: flying trains, summer sunshine
STEF typed this at 12:49 PM
okay i just typed a whole chunk on why i got miffed at my lab partner but i concluded that it was just me being bitchy or mean so i deleted everything. but i still kinda wish that i could partner someone else.. :( i feel so mean! but she really makes me feel ______ & _________.
im really dreading future labs where i dont know anyone. sigh i think im too dependent on my friends.
Labels: flying trains, negative negative negative
STEF typed this at 11:34 AM
i went ice skating on sunday! and i uploaded this photo cause i think lloyd and travis look REALLY WEIRD here?! HAHAHAHA.
anyway it was really fun and i swear i exercised and therefore, lost some weight and grew some muscles. heh. and we took some videos and caught people falling down!!! haha not on purpose, really. damn funny. there was this guy with his arms flailing in the background. up entertainment value HAHAHA.
so anyway im really in love with some new songs!!! okay i shall go and get them into Robocop real soon.
whoops i still have not uploaded my hopekiddo's pics! cause its in my phone and i lost my cable and trasferring via bluetooth is really.. tedious. but anyway, hopekids has really gone a long way. i think its really amazing. i can really see how God is moving in their lives, bit by bit. and i really love MY primary 4 caregroup. i feel really ^^ seeing them each week. even though they can be quite tough to handle..!!!hahaha thinking back, there's a lot of things that i really thank God for. i feel really blessed to be able to be part of their growing up with God.
okay im going t sleep liaoxzxzxz. i almost thought that i had skool tml. whew, good thing i talked to yvonne over the phone. okay some french homework then im off to bed.
and billy, i'm holding you to what you said about the marshmallow thing!
Labels: flying trains, hairclips, summer sunshine
STEF typed this at 10:50 PM
we sang Amazed during hopekids on sunday!
and the lyrics "your faithfulness never fails" really hit me.
i've neglected, ignored, forgot, took for granted and failed God so many times. and yet, He still wants t be my friend and love me as who i am.
maybe it may sound weird, but yeah, i dont really know how t describe the reality of God in my life. i guess its really something you just gotta try and experience for yourself.
Hopekids service on sunday was great! though the skit was.. err well, i better improve next time(if there is a next time!) hahaha. i had alot of fun getting to know my 3 kiddos better as well as the Phileo caregroup. got t know some new people as well!
anyway midterms were over last friday! ^^
and i have not studied at all since. so that's like.. three days of brain rotting. omg im so addicted to doing nothing. oh and also, online shopping. ARGH i keep buying things!
and i have 2 dresses not worn yet.
i'm extra motivated to meet billy for max brenners so that i can wear my black dress. HAHA.
oh SVS had an outing yest! we celebrated mid autumn festival by playing with sparklers! hahaha. the sparklers were sponsored by moi and they are like, dinosaurs serious. i half expected them to not work. maybe from too much accumulated moist or what.
its e-learning week by the way, so i've got no school tml! but i've got 6 hour lab on wed. all alone :'( two of my friends are in the slot tml and another is in another completely different slot.
oh and i have a major blessing to talk about!!!
my brain has been on.. a hiatus till like, last week? so i've been like, blubbering and floating through school all these while. yet, God kept me surviving through my friends. if it werent for their help, my comp chem lab report would've been seriously screwed! and yet i had alot of help/tips/facts explained to me. if it werent for them , i dont think i could've managed to roughly put together a lab report. yep, and eh, i never plagiarise ok! or however you spell. i even did all the calculations on my own ^^ good job, stef! haha.
okay anyway i was supposed to play audition earlier with lloyd and travis HAHAHA that disgusting game that i secretly tried when my sister was playing. oh and i failed terribly by the way. its damn hard?! hahahaha. but too bad, the programme was screwed so ah well. im going t sleep now! bonne nuit!
p.s. this feel like some kinda massive update.
Labels: flying trains, hairclips
STEF typed this at 11:13 PM
COOLIO ITS MEGA CUTE!!! hahaha my friend intro-ed it ta me.
haha i remember dennis yeo talking about it in the mnms context.
i wish to have that boy's perseverance!!!! HAHAHAHA
anyway congrats ben! and i hope you can congratulate me soon on getting an Aplus. i wish i wish i wish..!!!
Labels: flying trains
STEF typed this at 9:48 PM
yay interspecies friendship day every thurday!
HAHAHA shit even though its kinda like.. digging my own grave?! ah ha. whutever. im just kinda glad that i have friends to eat lunch with and have meetups that i look forward too! okay my sentence was kinda weird but well, im tired too tired to keh gao.
so anyway, i was feeling damn sian today actually. french tutorial was fun though! yay im so glad that i have vi :D even though its like, at 8am. anyway im really thankful that i finally have a friend in french class! hooray, then i dont have t worry about embarassing head nodding aka falling asleep experiences cause i'll have someone to make sure i dont nod off. haha!
as i was saying, i think im still struggling with certain aspects of insecurity! like, i keep thinking that people dont like me. and its not based on really logical fact that i think so, its just the feeling. to a certain extent, i can tell that its just plainly my own oversensitivity and insecurity that's making me feel this way, but its hard to.. stop? haha. and i was going t be alone for 2 hours cause there was no one who had common break with me :'( then i decided to take a step of faith(if it can be called that) and just sit somewhere while talking and trusting that im never TRULY alone. then i think God blessed my attitude cause then shu qin came by!!! :O hooray! and she was just telling God that like, God send me a friend!!! then she saw me!!! :O :D :O :D hahahah.
and whatever it is, i must learn not to keep being so dependant on people. and depend on God instead! keke.
anyway I FOUND OUT SMTH DAMN COOL ABOUT MERLY!!!! omg the small light up panel is actually pressable/its a touch.. panel?! or however its called. haha. omg im super amazed and fascinated cause now i can mute Merly or like adjust the volume or excess outlook(not that i will) with just a simple tap! someone say awesometastic please! haha!!!
okay, very boring and wordy post, i know. haha. but well, twenty years down the road i'll look back and laugh at myself!
Labels: flying trains, hairclips, sugar cubes
STEF typed this at 9:59 PM
i am not a turtle do NOT try to feed me veggies :@
and no turtle wears leopard print, aye?!
anyway lookie, that's my konnyaku jellokellos! look good righto.
school has started and its been nothing but stress!!! and also i keep feeling very tired and therefore i keep nodding off during lectures. tutorials start this coming week! i hope it'll help t clear my MOUNTAIN of doubts about. sigh.
i enjoyed lab though. but now. shit man. lab reports will be the death of me. the people who did the same experiment as me all have ZERO reference on how it should be done cause surprise surprise, we are the first batch of students to hafta do this. so we gotta do it from SCRATCH when everyone else can refer to seniors' reports. all i've done so far is draw the structures of chlorophyll a and b and B-carotene, using chemsketch. which is kinda fun actually.
then i still have yet to do math tutorial, chem tutorialSSSSSSSS, and also my French homework. chem is by monday, lab report by tuesday and math by thursday, then french by friday. yippee! everything is piling!
anyway here's a picture of my awesome labcoat and i-swear-they're-oakley-inspired lab goggles. so hip right?!?!?!?!?
on a more happy dappy carefree note, we had an og outing yesterday! it was much fun though the trip there was... as the mean people can testify.
timbre@substation! first time in my life. HAHAHA WHUTWHUT CANNOT IS IT. eh at least ive been to the one at sir stamford raffles once! hahaha.
quackquack(duck) pizza!
every pizza that came was gobbled up in seconds!!! seriously! and im sad to say that its my side of the table that keeps gobbling everything down. shit man, how am i going t lose weight like that?! on top of that, beer is fattening. oh no :( im going t be wobbling and bouncing and rolling everywhere soon.
and dammit they kept trying to take unglam and upclose shots of me. and they stole my camera's memory card just to upload it fb on zhengyi's macbook!!!!! grr.
but anyway i uploaded this particular(and not so unglam one) cause if you look REALLY CLOSELY you can spot my copper red highlights :D
they're seriously more obvious in real life ok.
i like my og! they're really funny and really nice BUT they keep teasing me(!!!) but im sure they're conscious(sp?) will eat into them sooner or later. kailiang has arld started to feel mean! yesssssss soon the T word will cease to exist.
Labels: flying trains, hairclips
STEF typed this at 2:42 PM
do the carebear countdown
school is starting real soon! bidding is tml :///im not really afraid for tml's round, but more of the following round, where we bid tgt with the seniors. im quite worried that i might not get the elective that i want. but i suppose what matters most is the core modules anyway.
thoughts about school flit across my mind that ranges from the bimbotic(what am i going t wear?) to the random(wonder if i'll see Vi's dad) and to the STUDIOUS(i am going t focus and do well! yes i am.) still in alittle confusion whether i should take applied chem or chem.
alrighttts, i gotta go get ready for tuition! haha.
OHOH i just remembered smth. during service on saturday, the preacher mentioned smth about carebears that got me all excited! HAHAHA. if feel like rewatching some carebear episodes :D
Labels: flying trains
STEF typed this at 11:56 AM
im using safari at the moment since my internet explorer is so damn slow!!! haha. anyway my blog template is really screwed on safari :///
ah well, i'll just pray that everyone uses IE then since im such a html noob.
anyway i just learnt a new song on the guitar! im quite happy. cause its quite easy to play as well. afterall, i am just a lousy amateur..! hahaha.
im suspecting(again) whether i've just been led around in a circle. if that is the case, i've got nobody to blame but myself. i guess its time to set up defences again, and this time, im not going t take them down.
by the way, my nails are an assortment of different colours after ten minutes in thefaceshop yesterday, with hannah, liting and michelle. haha! but i am liking it very much. oh i just realised that the colour on my right index finger's chipped/grinded off cause i played the guitar just now. i wonder if that means i strum wrongly or whut(!!!) :O
Labels: flying trains, sugar cubes
STEF typed this at 1:25 PM
weehoo! i had a yummilicious and handsomelicious cake!
batman forever :D
it was the fourth day of scamp! so yinglin and i left our og for a few hours. haha it was supposed t be on the pretext of some unit meeting. then met up with our cg and they celebrated my birthday wit me :D
well, it was actually supposed t be a surprise, but err thanks to ben..!!! HAHAHAHA.
so anyway, no pictures from that celebration cause cameras were absent!!! :(
but anyway, i was really touched by the cg's celebration. they gave me an arsenal jersey(kids size haha!) with fabregas printed on the back!!!!! :D ben forgot t take out the price tag till the last moment when hannah reminded him HAHA.
and the card was really awesome! joyce is so cr8ive! i was super touched, seriously.
so anyway, i headed home after that and yay! my 2kg batman cake :D i like having huge cakes for my birthday so that the next few days' breakfasts will be.. cake! heh.
i was also quite touched that my cousins' family came down t cut cake wit me. haha and this is super funny. we took a timer shot and my aunt wasnt sure that she'd be in the picture so she was trying very hard t squeeze in, but in the end, there was SO MUCH SPACE. haha!
yay, lighting the candles!
tada!
i was so excited about the jersey, i wore it over my dress. haha i was wearing a dress cause after that i was supposed t join back my og at dxo yo. music there sucks by the way IN MY OPINION cause i dont like techno!!!!!! grr.
fabregas!!! :D
okay and everyone was laughing at my cake cutting skills :@ i dont know why, but i totally messed up my cake! the cake cream just all bunched up at the plastic knife and then it got super messy!
my mom cut the rest for me in the end.
so anyway, i also had a small and quirky early celebration at kap. haha but i cant find my handphone cable so no pics either :/ but yeah, it was nice.
thank you all who wished me :D me happy alot!!!
anyway, i had a aegis og meet up yest! haha. it was very fun and funny and i got super high during dinner. damn!!! i have no idea why. i was seriously having a killer headache which killed the fun for me a little but i still had tons of fun in any case. oh i realise i suddenly like t use "in any case" okay so weird. my pool skills and bowling skills were at an ALL TIME LOW. i swear i can do better!!!! please vouch for me all those whom i've played pool/bowling with before!!!! HAHA.
matric acts potential camp was also good. damn tiring though! i swear i have not recovered form the 5 days of scamp :O made some good friends from both camps so i am not complaining :D and i experienced many new things for the first time. like getting sunburnt on my freaking scalp!!!!
i am using ! like free! :///
i got rejected by sow damn! i'm seriously worried about the whole bidding thing. i hope yuan chun suceeds in helping me pull strings! and its seriously gender discrimination! yinglin and zheng yi signed up the same time as me (yesterday HAHA) and they both got in :@ i heard its because of too many females. BIDDING HOW I AM SUPER ULTRA CLUELESS HELP!
on a completely different note, i was searching for my birthday picture in my com and i came across many other photos. and i realise that i always feel.. sad when i look at photos taken of/with people that i am no longer close with :( i was feeling so !!! this particular day that i have no friends and that all my friends have left me. but in the end i concluded that trust in God beats everything else and i am just going t focus on my own being.
by the way, i feel like boxing people who say "i am like this one. no one can change me." its freaking WRONG and its selfish, especially if what you're doing hurts people.
the frog who swam and swam and eventually churned milk t butter. then escaped from the bucket. i honestly dont know if that's possible but i still want that spirit.
shout out to benbenbenbenbenbenbenbenbenben! hi ben! we have not forgotten you!!! hahaha we all miss you very much! hope you're registration went well yest :D
Labels: flying trains, hairclips, sugar cubes, summer sunshine
STEF typed this at 11:22 AM
i just got enlightened about what ftw means, so im going use it as much as possible now..!
eating durian and watching the funny show on expats and mandarin is awesome ftw!(i keep saying awesome nowadays!!) especially if you're doing it with people you're comfortable with, in this case, my mom. haha.
anyway, there's like, a korean, an american, an isreali, a japanese, a scottish(who is damn cute ftw) and some other nationalities. oh and someone from hong kong too. the show is damn funny! hosted by mark lee. go watch! heh.
so anyway, this episode, there was a segment where they were supposed to sing birthday songs in their respective languages! and everyone took turns. but the cantonese version couldnt be sung out loud just like that, because of certain singaore govt policies. so at the end, they got the hong kong guy to sing, but everyone else had to sing at the same time as well= cannot hear any particular song.
i think its kind of sad, that the dialects, which make up such a strong and rich part of our culture/heritage/history/whatever, has to be dubbed/removed from tv, radio, the works. when i go to the hawker centre or places where alot of the older generation hang out, i hear and see people chatting and joking loudly and familiarly with one another. and i feel sad because i do not fully understand everything they are saying, and in a few years, this kind of scenarios may not even exist anymore in singapore. somehow, to me, i feel that being a true blue singaporean encompasses being fluent in dialects as well.
ah wells, these are just my(perhaps prejudiced) opinions. its just.. somehow more homely and uniquely singapore when the use of dialects is everywhere. and anyway, i realise my sentence structures are kind of off. haha. rusty in writing and perhaps quite tired as well. haha.
Labels: flying trains
STEF typed this at 7:19 PM
i was having lunch with my colleagues yest at some hawker centre.
and sharing the table with us was these 3 other ladies that we didnt know.
okay so right, they were gossiping and gossiping non stop! like damn bad, evaluating and categorising everyone that they knew, even their friends. oh and also complaining and complaining and complaining.
then in the distance, some contruction work started. and it was a little noisy.
and one of the ladies commented, "noise pollution ah"
and then it got me thinking!
what's the difference b/w the contruction and the 3 yakking ladies.
and i realised, that the contruction, though noisy, produces mordern marvels.
while the 3 ladies, though noisy, produce nothing.
so maybe that's the thing about gossip, pointless albeit self-satisfying.
okay, i dont wanna be a gossiper cause it hurts people and is pointless! so i really pray that i can achieve that........... afterall, i know how it feels to be gossiped about.
OH and anyway, i realised that i've been struggling really hard between trying to defend myself and being myself. defending myself totally failed cause i sitll got hurt and got hurt worse and everything got alittle more complicated than it arld is because of that. therefore i concluded that God, i wanna be myself, in You. what i had has arld been broken, so God, please help me to pick up the pieces and be strong, and be myself.
Labels: flying trains, sugar cubes, summer sunshine
STEF typed this at 11:14 AM
i think working is making me get fatter.
haha! im eating as must as ever but all i do for the most part of the day is sit in the chair in an air-conditioned room and type and type and type.
anyway, the 3 people that i hang with in the office are all moms. haha! i feel a little out of place sometimes. but ah wells.
so anyway, i noticed that all three of them contantly call up their kids to talk to them and check up on them. as is expected of loving moms with young kids right? but i noticed that sharon(she talks the loudest on the phone so i can hear whatever she's saying haha!) always never fails, each time when she talks to her kids, to ask them what they ate for lunch.
true, she could be asking them because she doesnt want them eating unhealthy stuff. haha but she knows all their eating habits! what sarah and samuel eat is like, always the same! haha.
so anyway, IN MY OPINION, i think that she asks them because she just really cares about all the small little details in their life. even if she arld knows the answer 99.9% of the time. i guess if you really love someone, you'd just wanna know every little itty gritty detail of their life. awww..
oh and i made an acquaintance on the bus today! HAHA omg it was damn funny. okay so i got on the bus, and sat down next t this lady. and then suddenly i realised she was staring at smth on the floor. so i followed her gaze and saw.. a pack of frozen sausages under the chair in front of us. HAHA omg apparently the guy infront of us dropped it. cause his hand reached down and picked it up. we both were just like WHAT THE and we caught each other's eye and snickered! hahaha. and when i alighted, we nodded to each other. haha okay, i just think that instances like this makes the world feel like a friendlier place t live in.
okay, bejewelled time!
Labels: flying trains, sugar cubes
STEF typed this at 7:09 PM
i was feeling emo again today and then i was listening t this song that brother peck introduced t me!
its called A Time for Yohe, by this particular band. i like that band. haha!
what the heck is yohe?
i've looked it up on dictionary.com before and it yielded no results!
but today, i got my answer.
its a song that was inspired by Renee Yohe. she's someone who struggled with drugs and depression and attempted suicide.
then it was somehow linked to this organisation called To Write Love On Her Arms.
aiya, you can just look it up on wikipedia. this TWLOHA organisation also has Christian foundations and they also helped fund other oraganisations like Teen Challenge! omg, i did cip there before HAHA.
anyway, those are just interesting bits of information.
the thing that i realised is that, yes i have pain, and i really dont know when i'll be okay and i feel so left behind in my own situation. but whilst my head was swimming with thoughts about myself and my pain and stuff, i got a reminder that im not the only one who's hurting.
Labels: flying trains
STEF typed this at 10:17 AM
anyway, i kind of think this saying's kinda weird. i guess sometimes i intepreted it as baing nice t people so that they would be nice t you.
but that's kind of selfish, isn't?
i've learned through multiple experiences that just because you try really really really hard t be there for people you care for, it doesn't mean it'll be reciprocated. in fact, i feel that mostly, people are just so wrapped up in themselves. or only caring for their boyfriend/girlfriend.
i mean, that's perfectly fine, but what about your friends, huh?
maybe im selfish too. in fact, just thinking all these stuffs mean that im thinking about/for myself.
so then this brings me t the question of why i try so hard t be there for my friends. and is this question that i think God wants my t think about. because if im being nice t others so that im securing my own "security", then i should really just stop bothering so much and stop trying t go the extra mile. just fufilling the basic requirement's enough right?
and then skepticism will threaten t enter my mind. wanting and trying t be there for other people, is to me, the extra mile. its contantly contacting and letting another person know that you're there so that if smth happens, you're able t step in help them up. but what's the point? gratitude lasts only but for a moment. and then everyone gets selfish again. so i want t be selfish too. because there is no point in thinking for others. in fact, i've heard people admitting that, so what if they're selfish cause everyone's like that too. and i really didnt like that.
but then i remember, smth i told myself a loooong time ago. that no matter what, i refuse t become cynical. i refuse t become skeptical. i refuse to become an adult that's like that. why do people keep putting cynicism(sp?) and maturity tgt? surely its not naivity(sp?) t know the risks, yet choose t trust others, t give them the benefit of the doubt?
a thought then comes in and says again, so why do you want t try t be there for others. to worry for them? so i think that maybe, just maybe, God i trying t teach me how t truly love others. sometimes, i fail though. because my expectations of how i want others t treat me get ahead of me. and then i get angsty and frustrated esp when my efforts are not very much appreciated.
sigh, so i think the point of this extremely long and wordy post that most people are scrolling over, is that i dont believe that innocence and maturity cant be on the same page. everyday brings situations that can make us more skeptical, more doubtful about the good in people. but it is possible, t be how God wants us t be. t love unconditionally, and find joy in being there for others even if its not reciprocated/appreciated.
and as i try t be so, i realise that God slowly opens my eyes and reminds me of the things that my friends have done for me as well. and it really makes me appreciate who they are all the more (: cause many a times, im blinded by my own flawed expectations and i hurt them as well :(
so even if im of a selfish nature, then everytime i realise that im being selfish i'll stop. and im sure that slowly, God will help me and change me. and then i'll be a happy kiddo :D cause there's more joy t find when im in line with God's plan, isnt it? so im going t be the best friend that i can be. cause i know that that's what God wants me to do.
and my interpretation of the saying right at the top of this post, is that it doesnt really affect what your intentions are. but its just like, a guide, t what it means t be nice to people. merely affecting the actions. like, do you like receiving sweets? if yes, then give people sweets cause they'd like that too, kinda thing. haha that's what i think lah.
so anyway, if you've managed t survive the tidal wave of words, hahaha, then yes i hope it uhh encourages you somehow.
and on a completely retardedly random note, i finished the last Harry Potter book last night! haha!
Labels: flying trains
STEF typed this at 9:11 AM
omg! i am officially a biker girl now :D (haha carol)
anyway, i know i am being sooo uncool being so excited about this, but whatever! i am still stefthebest!
yeah! so i got tong panged by my friend yesterday! and it was really fun! and i know im typing with alot of exclamation marks! but aiya, im home early on a sat night leh, so can you at least save your "what a retard" thoughts for a later date.. :(
SO it was really awesome! okay, maybe i was just a teeeeensy weeeny little scared at first but i had fun! haha.
anw, why does (almost)everyone assume that my biker friend would automatically be a guy?! eh its a she! haha how cool is that right.
anyway, it was my very first time at uni service today! i was just feeling a little awkward, t be honest. since im not very familiar with all the people there. but i thought the service was good and the wenjiang person who gave the sermon threw a different perspective on the crucifiction/crucifixion/crucificion(?!?!?) of Jesus. and there was also a song presentation about the theif that was crucified alongside Jesus. the lyrics were really meaningful and both hannah and i thought that the guy sang well haha!
yes, i am boring so its another wordy post!
im really tired and bored now actually. waiting for huiwei to reach home so we can discuss hopekids! and then i really want t just get some sleep. damn tired. my parents are more happening than me anw! they're over at my aunt's place watching some horror flick BRR. my sister's out too.
its just me and my irritating throat now. rasp!
Labels: flying trains, sugar cubes, summer sunshine
STEF typed this at 8:11 PM